Where to Begin

Well to tell you the truth, these will be little short entries, as I don't have much time for writing these days. It's almost 5:00am, and I've been up since 2:00am, tending to mom. She frequently removes her oxygen, or puts her legs over the side of the bed, which makes me nervous. I know she couldn't get out of bed if she wanted, but it still makes me nervous. She could scrape her leg, or cause injury to her frail, thin skin. She isn't speaking much to me these days, and sometimes I think it's on purpose. When my sister is here, she talks to her, or my brother Mark. Yesterday, while I was doing her nails, she was just watching me, and I was venting about an aunt of mine that had hurt my feelings. All of a sudden, she would ask me questions, like " what did she say?", I didn't act surprised, or ask why now is she talking to me, I just seized the opportunity to have a conversation with my mother as I once did, as a best friend. She would ask questions, listen intently to my answers, and answer my questions I posed to her. My eyes began tearing up, thinking to myself, 'is this our last talk?' I told her how much I loved her, which I do often, but it was important for me to say it now, while she was coherent, and understanding. She tells me she loves me too, more than I will ever know. I wonder when our last goodbyes will be. I tell her I will be okay. I ask her if she is afraid, she always says "no". She tells me she is ready to go to Heaven, to be with Papa, and her mother and daddy, and her sisters. I know she will be okay.

I repositioned her again, just now, she is tired again and falls asleep easily. I thank God for one more conversation with my mother, and say my prayers. Maybe I can sleep a little before the kids and Scott get up. Goodmorning.